yesterday..i had a huge fight with my dad..
he always blame me for everything...which i do and dont..
ever since ducky had done her stupid mistake..
mum and dad treat me..like im d bad one...
they scold..yell..curse many more on me..
for the past 3 years yeah..i just keep quiet..
but yesterday i couldn't help it anymore..,dad started it..for days..
with mum..quarrel bla bla bla..i get the blame again..cause i never cook..
dinner...for god sake..im sick..!! haiz..., i shout at him..it wasnt my fault..
im sick.., that part i say everything whats in my bleeding heart..

then my fucker sis...juz tell me..that she found someone to look after her kid..
i was like what the fuck...!!! i was crying...no1..even care to cuddle me..or calm me down..
that part i know where i stand in this fucking family...im fucking on1 to them..
i feel miserable..i wish to god so many time..take me away...take my life..i couldn't go on
any more...please god take my life...please...
maybe one day if im gone..maybe they will miss me..they will look for me..
i just felt running away..i even thought of ending my life..
i just cant take it anymore...please...!! just make it stop....

im missing dat person...so much....
it hurts so bad..!!! i miss you.......

i juz get back from my couz and fren gig..at syed alwi rd..
today music..is so metal (besi) haha...power headbangin giler..nye..
i loike...!! btw my life abit weird lately...dunno wats wrong..
or wat i did..i juz feels out of place.....
kinda lonely...sad,angry..and not in da fucking mood...
bored la...nothing to do...haiz...
anyway..nothing is inportant for me to up date..rite now..
so...bye2..

yet again...another birthday...say gdbye to 24 say eewww....hello
to big 25..hahah..

i wanna say thanks to my mum and 2nd sis..4 d surprise..birthday party
at her new house...hehe..den after dat...i when 4 a movie...wif bella..and my 3rd sis
(jennifer's body..) 4 d second tym..hehe..i loike d movie...damn cool...
megan fox...so cute..acting as a bitchy devil...eater..haha..

yeap..ntg much after dat...

i wake up this morning wif a..bad dream!!
i dream of jumping or maybe falling?? haiz..
wat a fucked up dream siol...hate dat part!!
i was in this school..then..minutes later my niece
drag me to d ladies room...askin me to touch up
and everything..i ask why.. she juz told me u will see..
then i was like ok..!! (wat da heck siol) after that...
i was so angry..den i was at d adge of this block..??
dunno why...i dnt think i jump..maybe someone push me??
coz..in my dream i was never near to end my life siol..!!
den suddenly boom!!! den wake up..
damn suey..siol..!! scary...

asthma attack!! i cant breathe sei...totally hard to breathe..
haiz...lucky never..die..!! hahaha...i juz ask my mum some cash..
then i go..doctor..myself.., doctor say...ok..dnt talk much...go emergency
room...hahaha...then i use vantolin...hehehe...
like i said..lucky i never die...liao..! hahaha...

haiz...,another boring day for me..,my niece and nephew (rifdy and nina) drop my guitar and pakai benda tajam gariskan my pc screen...mampos.....rabak siol... darah boil giler.., nk pukul..
bkn dorg tahu...bt den..parentz..dorg tk jaga.., haiz...bingit siak!! aku beli pakai duit aku..
senang jer..dorg nye anak kasi jahanam..!!! argh!!!!!!! damn...angry...,

ard 12.30 am.. i notice dat my darling blacky (my cat) is missing
for few hours..damn..i tot hes at home..but yet..he try to escape..
but lucky my mum found him ard..1am..at 7th floor.., i cane him,
i love him so much..i dunno wat i do..if i lost him..haiz.. i so lucky
my mum found him...hehe

this is rifdy my 1 n only nephew..

kak awi (sis in law) deliver da bad news to me..
she told me that rifdy (my nephew) have to go on
a surgery coz..no change to his kidney problem..
between this 3 months..if there is no change..surgery
have to took place.., haiz...juz hope everything change
and hope he be ok..soon...

hey everyone...!! today is 1st of syawal.., my mum and dad..prepare some
food..for the celebrations...itz ok la..,but im not happy to celebrate
like not in da mood to celeb raya..bla..bla..bla..la.,but not only me..
my whole family..too..., well...yeap..im juz happy..to see my fam..and
couzzin..plus...anyone..who i noe la..hehe..., yeap...juz wanna wish everyone
selamat hari raya aidilfitri!!!!

ard 3plus i sent my grandmum to my uncle hs
at pasir ris..,den after that..i meet my crazy frenz
dats sha2 and fida, abg anda cancel today plan of meeting
due to bz schudule..,hmm..i tot..jadik..me pikul my guitar
here and there..penat sey..haha..aku bawak aku nye boyfriend
sane sini dok! haha..we buke puasa at tamp roof top..i have
chicken rice, we have fun..chit chat..walk there and here..
fida buy for me earring..hehe..thx darlz..i love it.,
anyway..itik call me..haha..for the first tym siol..
then dier ketawa..me oso laugh..coz..we always msg tru phone
and msn aje..,abeh smlm dier call..saje utk balik samer2..i said no..la..
malu sey..hehe..
hmm...i reach home..ard 10:40pm agaknye..hehe
happy..mak aku tk marah..kwang3
anyway..yeap datz it...! hehe..
i enjoy every minute with dem..even tho i have to carry my new hubby
here and there..without playing it..hahaha

this is my dream guitar
power kan?? hahhahahax...im loving it baby!!! hehe..yeah!

yeay..!! i buy my dream guitar already...power!!!
buy it for $250 price outside is $390, but good buy rite??
haha...heck yeah...duh!!!! ahahahahhax......

im loving my new damn guitar..siol....!!! hahahahax..
love it like my hubby..hehehe...like real je kan?
lom kawin..mcm da tau mcm mane sayang suami....giler betol..
aku nie...! hehe...

but...hell yeah...im damn happy...
wow...!! finally hahahax.....i got it...!!

i buy new handphone again..and i sell my old 1...buy juz d cheap
one..sony ericsson w350i for $158.., then at night..i upload my song
in youtube title (if by crazy angelz) and (share my everything by crazy angelz)
kinda xcited..hahax..,hope ppl comment it with nice words hahax and rate it..

today was the 2nd day of puasa (ramadan) tiring day..
clean there and here..,back hurtz..mind out of space..
thinking..,hmm..anyway..we bikin kenduri.arwah..untuk
tok esa.., my darlz..couz..and fam dtg..my 1st sis..and fam oso
come..juz a small..gathering.., we cook..tulang merah..and ayam
masak merah..power!!! hehe..

after kenduri..and buka puasa..
i totally in pain sia..back hurtz like hell..
feels like crying out loud..hehe..
den shikin my niece..help me out..lucky..

nothing much to say now...mind go blank....
all of sudden......

damn..! btw..i cnfess..itz still hard for me to move on..
haiz.................

yesterday.,is most painful day for me..to have go thru...
well itz d 8mth after breaking up with asri..dunno why
im still thinking about him..,while he juz move on so easily..
haiz..my down,hurt..sad..and everything..what you can call it
when u know..ur upset..and dissapointed..
anyway..the more i try to write down on what i feel..
the more sad i became...

juz hope..he's doing fine..that's all
haiz......

nothing..but tired...hurt...
and... im dying slowly...

hey..., well theres nothing much to update..now..
about the trip to batam "shopping" well it doesnt turn out good..
bad memories..surrounding me..., i did go..with my family..but my mind..is
somewhere..out ta space...,thinking about my ex lover...haiz...
damn...,coz..d last time..i when batam..is..about..almost 8mth ago..
where i shop like crazy..for my boyfriend...turn out we broke up..
and he send everything back..is a heartache thingy..,well..
after few days back from the trip.., my dad borrow my sony e handphone..
for 2 days..,and i didnt check my starhub..card..w/ther is there any msg..yada2
after..my dad use..it..,i go and check..well..i was surprize..
my ex msg me..and say thx for his bday wish..i send last month...
i was like..err...wat? y..reply now..???? hmm...never mind..haiz..
now..i felt like a train reck..!!! thinking about him...
day and night...hope..i could juz stop..dat...but itz so hard for me too...
damn...stupid idoit gal rite??? yeap..i noe....
orite..dats it...i gtg now...
wish me luck..on clearing my head... =)

haha...the wait itz over...,im going shopping with my fam
well some like vacations thingy..yada2...but itz fun la..
shop..eat..pool...shop..eat...pool...haha....for three days..
yeay!!! well im going to mizz..my darlings angels..datz my cat
my 4 cat...haha...they are my angelz..from up above..
when im down...they cheer me up...
anyway..i will up date..my bro kpo la..
nak maen pc..lak..
yeap...i will update soon...
hehe...bye2

hmm...ouh..i went to sha2 angagement thingy..i give her a perfume persent..
hope she really like it...i ask yanti my darlz..to tag along..coz..malu la..gi sorang..hehe
anyway..im damn happy she..tag along...thx darling..u are my darling coussin..hehe..
well..we both when there..everybody think im 'fida' wat da heck??? does i look like her? really?? please
sumone tell me..hahax..anyway..congratz sha2..im so happy for you..dear..
hope you be happy always.., yeap...after that i follow yanti to buy her cat foods..at simei..
east mall...and omg...the kitten there are so damn cute liao...and damn MAHAL..!! haha each cost $1000
haha...yeap...1k liao..my 3mths salary..gone if i buy that lil kitty...hahax
after..i when there..uncle man send me to the nearest bustop..then im back to boredom..
1 hour plus journey of death!!!! hehehe...bored giler...mendak..rabak..
i reach home ard 8plus..i take my dinner..then i heard my bro is going fishing..haha
damn excited siol...so i tag along..i tho i wake up ard 7:30am..so we (abg,abg man,kak awi,ira,ino
ikin and me..overnite at changi seaside..ok la..the place..then haiz...hindustan movie
start..but not bollywood stars..haha..instead of salman khan or rani murkarji..is thailang gal and indian man..
drunk..i wanted to kill herself by drowning..haha..damn funny liao..,and yeap..thats my story now itz 3:35pm..
yeap the next day of saturday itz (sunday) hahax...still i havnt sleep..hmm... i wonder how long
i pass out..when i put my head on my pillow..hehehe...juz hope..it wont be forever..kwang3

okla..im out now..hehe..c ya again..
btw..thx again to my darls yanti..
and congrats to my dear sha2..
adioz...

im dissapointed..im upset..and all the word..that can describe..that im down..
why do you have to do this to me??? you make me hate you more airee..
is this the way you appreaciate me?? now..ur the reason..why.. i cant trust
guyz anymore..and yet to be single..always.., haiz..why??

sha2 and fiance come over and have a look at mum's wedding stuff..
she's getting angage..this august.

i was shock..after 2 weeks..michael jackson has pass..he still havnt
buried?? omg..!! poor michael...ouh..please...juz let him rest in peace!!!
he suffer enuf...!!! may he rest in peace..for once.

hmm..., i cry today...watchin mj daughter make a speech at the memorial
of mj...i try to control it..but..i was too..sad..den bust into tears..hehe
sedih sey...poor kid..so young but yet..have to experiance a death of a loving
father...haiz...may prayers are with you always...

hey..im back..!! after long wks..of sickness..
damn boring..dis days.., ouh..i juz wanna update few things
when im gone..,

1st..dunno why so stupid..i follow my mum about msgin my ex hahax...
2nd..yeah..i been sick for almost 2 wks..haiz..
3rd..warning to my couz..fiance...hey dude..dont ever..break my darlz..heart
or u be sorry..for what u did..asshole..!!! if anything between you guys..like..
cant be togerther..itz all your fault...and ur stupid..if you let her go..
so dont EVER...play her heart..dork!!!

i found out that MJ (Michael Jackson) pass away..cause of heart attack..,thru chl news asia..
on 25/6/09 hes 50 years old..,
hes my 1st favorite singer..his music..is the best...
may allah bless his soul forever...

itz a shocking news for me..,im still shock till now..
but itz already faith.., god knows best..god loves him more..

i was..heartbroken by the sad news..
totally got no mood..the whole day...haiz..
rest in peace my idol..

im still trying to heal my heart..
still try to move on..
but yet my mum ask me..couple of days..back..
askin me questions..that brings back so much pain..and memories..
that i have with him, haiz..why..i have to be this why..?
why must i feel the pain..of brokenheart...??
plz...allah..help me heal..help me..erased him...from my
heart and mind..erased..him forever..., plz help me..cure me..
help me..heal..

my couz..msg me..ask tomorrow..im going to hidayat..opening or not..
hmm..i wanna go.but..dayat have a plan to matchmake me with his biz partner..
hmm...im abit shy la..,but..curious too...hahax..
anyway..maria ask me to go..meet her at bugis mrt tomorrow..ard 3pm..
omg...!!! what shud i wear?? u noe my mum..nie..happy giler.. mayb itz true
she can't wait to see me get married..haiz..
hmm..ok..mom.., i dunno what to say to you.. but make you happy..
she ask me to wear more to lady style..like omg..??am i not that lady enuf for you??
hahax..hai..mother..itz my life..if the guy love me..he does'nt care about how i look..but
what i feel..da bagus.., like take me as i am...etc..

yeap..,juz wish me good luck then for tomorrow..aite..
hope..i won't freak out..!! hahax..

hmm...today..my life is great abit..
due to my dad..helping me out..on taking me new laptop..and ipod touch..hehehe
so..i have a reason to be happy for once..in my life..hahax
but i hope..everything goes smoothly..as plan..,

anyway..due to my pc lagging..and da abit rosak2...
i got the suspect who spoild..my pc..hmm...nonid..to update d name..
but..d person know..who dey are.., im upset,,tho..
due to my hutang lom abes..but den pc da rosak..haiz..

anyway..d new one is coming soon..hahax..
with my dream ipod touch...so..nothing to worry about..la.
hahahax...happy giler siol...!! hehe..

i msg sha2 ard 10am..ask her what tym to meet this 16june..coz..she ask me to be her
hair model..hahax..,but then she reply..alamak babe..tak jadi ar..coz..tukar gi july lak..
hahax..lucky im in d happy mood..so..i ask her..so..this tym biler pulak?? she reply..later she check..and let me know soon..., and then she ask me..1st august free tak.., i joke..asal kau nk kawin..haha..then dier cakap..tak la kawin lamer agy..aku nk tunang..hahahax...congratz..darlz
im soooooo........happy for you..

anyway..im free that day..and i wont miss it for the world..
she's my best friend..and i'll be there..

hehex...cngratz again baby...

i just feel great today..dunno why..hahax
mayb..for once..im tryin to letting something go..perhaps
something personal..i gues?? hahhaxx..
life must go on..like in book,or ppl say..and now i see it clearer...
that im more wanted then i ever know...,
i have open my heart is love again..hehe..maybe now im in love with someone already
mayb thats the reason my happy giler...!! hahaah
well i cant update who the guy is..hmm...but i just hope..hes the one for me..
but i have a problem..choosing who..i want to be with..coz now..
there is 2 guy..playing in my mind and heart..both great guys...aiyoh..i smell trouble
tho...hehehe..,hmm..i glad im able to love again..coz usally i give up..
but..now..what the heck..!! guyz been playing my heart and feelings..
so i gues..i will try to love them but not that alots..hahax..see how they love me 1st.
im caring person..concern..sincere..and honest gal..but if thats not enuf for them
hmm...i dunno what else to do..but say gdbye to them hahahhaahx...
argh...!! im confuse..sey..
okla..jodoh di tangan tuhan..i juz serah pada yg maha kuasa..je..
amin

im scorpio gal here is the positive side and negative side..i read it from a book
call (uncommon sense) by dr.mel gill

scorpio (assessment of my essence)
positive side - healing,radical,passionate,intense,investigative,hahax..motivated
penetrating,probing,sexual..haha omg!,protective.
negative side - vengeful..haha..u can say so..hehe,suspicious,jealous..err..mayb..,intolerent
possessive,obsessive,overbearing,demands the impossible..

the year of the rat.
positive side - imaginative,clever,intellectually creative,passionate,quick,charming,generous.
negative side - anxious,suspicious,calculating..hahahax n opportunistic.

thats it..so..if u guyz dont think some are right answer..?? deal with it..hahax..
nah..im juz kidding

i hate to be blame...on something i didnt do..
control your temper..and dont hurt somebody else feelings...

this is something about me...and why the reason itz so hard for me to move on...

i can see..unwanted thing's..like spirit's..(benda halus)
itz not what i wish to see...i juz can see them..dats all..
tapi nampak pon tak slalu..sometym..je..nak mampos klu everyday..
mati terkejok aku..nnt..

anyway..i was attached before..twice..actually..,
1st boyfriend..i got..dier ader benda halus..nie..dari dier kecik..
he try to berobat..but then itz to late..coz..he da accept..that thing..
coz..once you accept it..the thing wont leave..you alone.., you need to find
a really good..person who can kill this bugger..! and the reason i break up with him
is..i dont wanna get involved..with the thing he got..susah nak cakap..

and 2nd boyfriend..laen skit..
even tho i love him so much..i make the decision to leave him..
coz...his dad..ader simpan benda halus nie..for him..
i pity him so much..coz..he didnt want it..but i think..da keturunan..
so he have to accept it..for the sake of his father...
i talk him thru..i ask him to get help..funny thing he oready did..before..i knoe him..
but still nothing change.., i even ask my dad..to help him..but..i guess..his father..dislike me
because of that...i wanna help him datz all..coz i love him..haiz..
after my dad help..something..happen...the thing..wont stop disturbing me..
appear..wherever i go..,so i know watz the reason why...i know that his dad..want me to stay away from his son..,the thing not only appear with different faces to scare me off..
it even try to hurt me..by cramping my legs..my eyes..and..even my heart..
so i cld'nt take anymore..i told my ex..what happen..he shock..and apologize for what happen..
my parentz ask me to think what i want..and for the best.., so i choose to make asri..hate me..
by..hurting his feelings..say that i hate him for this thing's..(but i lie) i say alot of thing..juz to make him say the break ups..coz i ask him for break up..he wont accept it..dier pujuk la..semua.
till one day he lose it to me..and say it..haiz..till then..we are over..but not my love for him..
i juz hope the best for him in the future..and in life..
i pray for him everyday..
hope god answer my prayers...

i guess is juz my luck to have bfs that have setan with them..??
hehe..hmm..hope for the next takde..hahax..so that i can live happily ever after..hee

anyway..yeap..that's my story..
juz wish me luck for me future aite..hehe

hidayat..invite me to his new openin shop..
haha..what shud i bring sey? as a gift? itz my couz..fiance
hmmm...i have to think of something...
he..open new..jamm place near bugis.. cool..
im goin to jamm there sumtym..when im free la..
dapat discount..hehe..
anyway..i run out of ideas..oready..
dunno what to write down..haiz..
aiyoh...!!! hehe..anyway.. i noe this guy..
very kind hearted person..caring..and etc..
i treat him as..close special friends..je..
ntah..nape..i cnt..go futher.., mayb im still afraid..to be hurt again..
haha..anyway..yeah..he is a nice..guy,caring..and more..
btw...im touch screen handphone...screen nye retak..sey...bingit je..
aru beli couple of mths ago...haiz..
me tk kn beli touch screen handphone again nampak gaya nye
hehe..da serek...hahax..


i juz hope..i can move on..soon..
and forget everything...
move on without any pain...
or tears fall on my cheek..hmm..
hopefully soon...

this is me and my couz...taking picture..before the concert start..!! hahax
sempat lak tu...hehe

itz..the day i been waiting for...!!!!!!!!!!!!
hahax...well im sick still down with fever..tho..
but what the hack..im still going to enjoy my day..
with my couz..at the concert no matters what...hehe
biar aku sakit nak mampos pon aku tetap pergi..
aku dah beli tixket siol..tak kn nk wasted...sey..
betol tk??? hehe......anyway..
i be back with the picture at the concert..!!! later tonite or
tomorrow..!! hehe..

i missing him badly
please god help me...

me and my family..go to jalan rajah..to set up deco..
im having a fever..bad one..,coughing..sore throat..
i didnt help much this time..,my sis..is going home..with her baby..
i tag along..but poor mummy and daddy..dey face..look like..please dont leave us here
coz usally i help alot...,due to fever..i decided to go back with my sis..
itz suck...coz i didnt help..and some more..i didnt have my extra money..haha
hmm..oh yeah...before i go back..i help my mum go buy food..at this..one place..
shoot..! i forget d name of d mkn place..hehe.
while i was waitin..for d food i order...,d oppersite shop..have alot of channel 8
star..like joanne peh..(my favorite) pierre peng,shawn someting hehe..alot la..
oh..and babyface..
my brother-in-law..ask me to go and take picture with them..but,,omg
im so..out of place..(my clothing..is from mars..dat tym)hehe..
so i said no..,
but i regret it..siol..!! damn stupid..hehe..
anyway..yeah..dats it..

why isit so hard for me to forget him??? omg..
still think about him tho..(crap..)

please god help me erase him from my mind and heart..
i dont want to be hurt anymore..

im feeling down..
im down with flu..itz suckz..

dunno wat happen..
feeling kinda lonely..and datz really suckz..

i noe dis..guy..., okla.. attitude..all ok
btw when he told me..he like's me..
i just say gdbye..like i dnt noe..
happen to me..,like after my break up..
i can't seem to move on..
omg...! please help me move on

haha..
itz sound stupid..but yeah..
itz hard for me to forget about him....

i meet my friends sha2 again..today.. ard 3+
meet her at tampines mall..,before she arrived..
i go shopping 1st..,buy 3 ladies sweater..black sleeveless
and a sunglasses..then we eat at kfc..we chat2 then when
shopping again..and itz tym to go home..she told me its to early sey..
i said let's watch movie..haha..then she said..omg!! why never tell her
early?? she oso wanted to watch movie..but itz to late., i have to go home oready
mum call my cell..tup3..i take bus 168 when st8 home...hahax,
i reach home ard 9+

my aunt come over but i missed her..by 30mins..
she when home oready.., but she told my mum
that her future son-in-law..what's to match make me..with
his friend..? and his friend..oso really wanted to get to know me..
to me like ok..?? but im a nobody.., no aducations..and all
i told my mum..who really wants a girl..who have no future with??

look at me and asri..?? he's from poly..me?? no where?
end up broke up..with him..because..of his family??
i know the main reason why...
im disable..unwanted person..that's who i am..now and forever..
haiz..hopefully everything change..and change soon..

and hope that i can heal too..

btw...shud i say yes to know hidayat friend??
or..i juz keep being single..?
omg..!! im afraid that all guyz have the same..attitude..

oh..god..please help me..
release me..from..what ever bad thing's are going to happen to me..
i had enuf..already..

im tryin to love myself first
before i can love somebody else....

why..?? im sad because of you..
i cry because of you
i love you..
i miss you..
i care about you..
but that still not enuf for you....

im down and upset..ever since i saw you again..
i can't focus..i can't forget about you..
why you do this to me..??
why shud i fall in love with you..??
what happen between us??
hope that we can still be together..coz
im loving..you
and missing you so much..

only god...knows and hope he answer my prayers....

i meet my old frens today..i wen out..ard 1..reach at her place..ard 2+
shasha u look so different sey...and she said i oso..hahax.. ard 5+ we kuar
we plan to meet fida too..so we wen to bugis..do some shopping
surveyin..and go grab something to eat..haha..we share something abit..
and weird part is..she noe asri..omg!! she ask me how he look like..e.t.c
so..yeap..i guess she noe..,wen we were talking about him..we are in d mrt.. towards.. bugis..
d train stop at bedok..and omg i saw him..haiz..itz hard to belive..yeap..i saw him..
i was like damn..!!! why in da world..u pop out from nowhere...omg..
why must i saw him...im tryin my best to move on..sey..
now..all i think is about him..shit!!! ntah la..
if we are not meant for each other..plz god..i dont want to see him anymore..
it hurts..and im still hurtin...,

anyway..fida didnt show up..so i hang ard with shasha frens..all biol2
jgk mcm dier..hahaz...even myself la..hehe..
well itz fun..hanging out with them..hope to see them again..soon..
coz..wow..aku dapat alek lambat siol nari.. ard 12 aru aku pai umah..
power giler..kuar sorg agy lak tu..hahax
anyway yeap..itz been fun..
hope to see you again darlz...soon..i hope..!! haha

sadness attack!! haiz...

show off..the tix..!! wahahaha!!!

this are the tix..i buy tadi at lot1..(pussycat dolls live at singapore indoor stadium) excited giler!!sampai aku show off..hahahax...!!! well to the guyz..yg da beli..SEE U THERE!!
hehe..

around 1pm..i wen out..took train..to chua chu kang..lot1
to purchase..4 tickets to pussycat dolls live in singapore indoor stadium..
hahax..im excited giler siol..i book..tix dat close to the stage...!
yanti contact me.rite aft i reach home..she ask me..so how..
which seat we got..!! i said way closer den we watch avril lavigne back in sep 2008
wow!!! power giler..she laugh..and scream i cant wait..twice..liao..
den i oso join her madness..hahahax..,now..i really can't stop smiling..sey..
juz have to wait till..the day come..itz on 4th june 2009..
like 2 3wks more..sey..haha..
anyway..hmm...yeap..im damn excited.., ouh..yea... i forgot
juz now..i dunno why..i think about my x..
hmm..i was in da train..and listenin to the slow meanin music..
den he pop out at my brain..hhmm...weird..!

itz mother's day today..i havnt hav any idea..wat to get for my loving mum..
ard 7:30pm..yanti and her family come over my place..
i decided to go shop..with my sis..and buy cake for my mum,my aunt and my grandmum
celebrate..together since tak pernah buat...then we end up buying tender best spring chicken..haha we buy 5 chicken..liao..tu pon tk cukup..mkn..hahax..
i tot enuf sey...hehe..d chicken turn out to be small that i tot..hhahahahah!!
okla..dari pada tkde..benda nk mkn...but i promise..i get her..something biler dapat gaji nanti..
haha..!!

aft we mkn..me and yanti..talk about goin to PCD concert..
so..yeap..itz confirm..we are going..!!! hahax..i cant stop smiling sey
even now..hahax..happy giler...!

my niece tasha..ask me can i follow..poor kid..sey
she alwayz wanted to tag along but i say noe..coz..me tk cukup duit..
hehe..but hey..if i got money i bring liao..kesian..dier..!
but who noe dier nye rezeki..if my mum willingly nk kasi duit about $148
for her grand-daughter wow..will be great!!
but..hmm..i only can pray for her..haha! sorry darling..

anw..to my loving mum..
I LOVE YOU MUM

you're my earth..
you're my sky..
you're my everything..
till the day i die...,
i love you mum..
and i miss u alwayz..
i thank u..for all the love you gave..
cause your love to me..will never be erase..or replace..

i love you mum..muackz!!!

i take this pic at yanti engagement day this is a picture of me and my niece (bella) the pretty gal

yanti engagement day..

here is..my couz..and her man..dayat..yesterday..engagement day.. haha..i was tired..cnt upload..it last nite..so nie..la..my darlz..she beautiful gal.. anw..yanti..hope..u and yat be together forever hingga ke jjg pelamin..amin..

best wishes from me to you both darlz..!!

very tiring day...but im happy..it turn out to be..what we have plann..it..!!!
thank god...alhamdulillah..syukur..!!!
anw..i juz wanna wish maria...happy birthday..
and congratz on her engagement...with her man hidayat..(the joker) hehe
may u be happy with him alwayz..my darlz..
best wishes from me to you..my darling...



ouh..btw..itz confirm that pussycat dolls is coming to singapore
and we are going...and we both are goin..!!!! omg....hahax
happy giler..

today is my 2nd niece birthday... she turn 16
omg...!!! she is gettin older...but im gettin wiser..hahaha
damn im turnin 25 this november..and damn im old..siol..!!!!

my mum keep naggin..bila lah..kau nak kawin adek...!!
i was like what???? kawin??? i reply...ala..mak org tk kawin la..
org hidup single sampai..tua..,tup..tup..tup... my mum marah siol..
bagus...la tu..nanti mak da..tkde saper..yang nk gi jaga..kau..
huh?? pikir..ke situ lak..mak aku..nie..., ceh...think positive la..
jangan pikir bukan2... hehe...saper..yang tk nak kawin..kan??
juz lom ader jodoh jer...agi pon..duduk teperok kat umah..boleh
carik boyfriend ker??? hahaha...isk..isk..isk.. relek la..mother
i get married...when d tym come..aite... juz chill for now..
juz don't get ur high blood pressure..naik..!! hehe..

and yeap...!! shamira..!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

btw...............................,
i love you mum... hehe alotz muackz...!!!

pcd coming????

i heard..pussycat dolls..is coming to singapore..!!!!
but i dunno when??? hahaha...

hey..i wanna go..but still dunno yet..izzit true..they're coming..
or...false alarm??? hehe...hopefully betul..sey...!!

im counting down..d days..to my couzzin engagement..day..
i juz cant wait..for it..!!! hehe...

she's my gal..and im happy for her..
and hope..everything..will be goin smooth..
as plan..

hopefully..there's no..bad person..or(sialan)
hehe..who..wanted to crash the happiest moment
of her life..

hopefully takde..ar..

im not sure..what am i suppose..to write..down.., hehe anyway..
a guy in msn told me..i piss him off..which i didnt..duh..!
he said..becoz..i didnt mit..him..or even chat with him...on the phone..
den i was like..okie.., coz..im not use to it..
last convo..is with my..hmm... itz 4mth ago...(hard to believe) yeap..
time travels fast..!!! den..he said...i havta move..on.. which i did..
anyway..who da hell..is he man?? we are not even close..
well he did..ask me to be his conpanion..which i didnt say yes..to it..
you noe..chatters..!! hard to believe.. bt yet yeap.. i havnt say anything..
i did..say..itz to fast to ask for dat..now..coz... i need..to know him better..!!
yea..what da hell..

itz..MAY already..!!! yeah....
the month i been waiting for....
d month dat my couz..got engage..
ouh..i can't wait...!!
can't wait..till 9 may... her birthday and engagement day
happiest day..for her..., and me..(tompang gembira...)
happy for her..omg!!! so happy...
hehe...

shame..on you..saiful..!!
to write something about maria..in your blogs..
she does'nt even love you..like gf of bf..
she your cousin.. she can't be your lover..

grow up dude..she oready have bf..and soon to be
fiance..so juz stop..hurting her..
such a stupid..guy..you are...!
what kind of person are..you???
she did nothing to you..but yet..
you hurt her feeling..say something bad about her??
like wtf?? you know..she already have someone special..in her life..
stop..trying to win her over?? sicko..!!

im angry..we are couzin..and couzin don't hurt each other feelings..
she is my gal.. and if you mess..with my gal... you mess with ME!!!
so..you better watch out..asshole...!!!
you damn bastard!!! nama aje..skola poly..budak pandai..
tapi busuk hati..nak mampos..(nampak aje baik..tapi besar nye setan)

ini lah..nama nye..setan bertopeng manusia...

remember..!!! juz don't cross the line...!!!!!

am i a bad gal?

hey...

am i a bad gal??
i told my couz..if she invite my ex..(i won't appear on her..engagement day)
then she told..me she wont''but then is her friend... aiyoh..(i shud nvr date my couz fren sey)
now..i feels weird..sey..(tk kena tempat..gitu)

but..she told me..she invitin her other guy frens..dat.. (i like..)
den i reply..i dont mind if u inviting my ex..coz mata tk sakit..klu nampak..
d other guy..hahahaha..jahat sey..aku nie..

den..i juz told her..to do what ever she like..
coz..itz her happy day..not mine..!
yeah..dont mind at all...(maybe) heehehe..

hopefully..im cool when i mit him..if..he comes...
aiyoh...(i have got the power..!!) hehe..da mcm captain planet siol..hehe..
anyway... hopefully i wont show..my sad face wen he comes..
mampos..!! hopefully not.. hahahaha! pray for me.. i dont wanna
my bad memories to hunt me..

hmm..

hmm... my bro and my 1st sis had a big fight.. (about money) ceh..
my bro..breaks my sis window..at her place..,my bro came back..with
bloody hands..(stupid..siak) bodoh nye jantan...

dunno lah..can't they control dier nye temper??
we are family..(siblings some more) haiz..
feels like our family's breaking apart..sey..
i dun wan dat to happen..(like become enemy forever)

hmm..hopefully everything change before my darlz (couzzin)
(tunang) engagement..on may, 9
i heard my sis is not coming..coz my bro..is..
aiyoh.. trouble..sey.. kesian maria..hmm..

i juz...really..really..hope..everything.. get back to normal..soon...!

change..

finally...aft 5yrs st8..asyik rebonding my hair..
i try something new..(new hair style) hehe..
i make body perm..1st takot jgk..takot tk kena muker...
but then..it end up..ok..! amin (alhamdulillah..)

like i said before..nak move on..
so..i need to start from..my life..
change from hair then to how..i dress..
and last my attitude..! hahax..

i wanna change..from someone..my close friends noe me..
to someone..they hardly noe..

hopefully..they like it...
coz..i don't wanna look sad forever..
or..something..!!

orite..dats it for today... adioz..!

bad news

mit my darlz (my couz) at dhoby ghout..we go shopping..
i buy her ladys shoe..a present for her engagement day..tgh happy happy
den i heard the bad news..,tgh nk mkn lak tu....teros takde selara sey
my aunt..she is inviting my ex.. to her daughter engagement day sey..
bingit..jer..! try to forget him..now.. da bagus..bagus..da tk pikir kan dier..
tiba-tiba..jer nk jempot si..sipot..tu.., darah up jer..
haiz.. i told my aunt not to invite him..(dlm hati ckp..dun wan to remember d bad memories
i have with him...) but den..ntah ar...hopefully..if he is invited..hopefully dont come..!!
aiyoh..!!!!! mampos..sey....bingit!!!!!!!!

losing

i don't know..why..im losing alots..of friends.. they seems..to be moving away
from me..,1 by 1..stop smsin me..,am i bad..did i do anything wrong..
did..i mizjudge them?? haiz.. i dont even noe y...

i become more lonely..then b4...,
i have no..one..to talk to ..accept..this blogs..
i write everything now.. from what i feels and what ever it is...
and i dont even noe..if there anyone who is reading my blogs..
or my stories...

hmm...guess.., i was born to have no friends..at all...

happy and sad story..

my mum bought..me a new headphone for my sony ericsson phone..
cool..gadget tho.. kuat giler...!!! haha... if anyone..talk to me...i hear nothing
from them..juz saw d mouth moving jer...hehe..

btw...i go jogging 4 d 4th day..oready hooray..!! hehe..da empat ari dok..!! happy giler
hehe... and i dunno why..i feels sad..when i jog today... almost have my tears drop tho..
feeling so alone..hmm.... i guess.. itz hard to move on..., i told myself before..that i would
never fall in love..or never gonna feel..the pain of broken hearted...
gues...i got it now... sheesh..!! itz hard..siol..

hope...everything would change soon...

loving my new hobby..

i start my jogging habit..back.., well i start yesterday..ard 8:30pm..
i jog 5 rounds ard..wlds..(my area) hehe.. its kinda cool..
stress free..hmm..

i use to jog..b4..and do push up..sit up..,juz 1day..i didnt go..
flatt sey..d next day nak buat..rabak..penat giler...,haha

well.. this time i will try to continue.. my new hobby..
haha..other then eatin..je..tak stop..hee..

hope..i get in shape..back..like i alwayz wanted
slim/fit/ and..active body..samer la 2
yeah...and i try to get my six pack alek..hehe..
see what will happen..(can i get it???) remain mistery..siol
hahahax...hope the best for me..aite..
hehe...

being auction..?

i follow my mum to tampines.. she got a client to make up..for engagement..(tunang)
so..i dress up..with make up and nice cloth la.. we reach there ard 2:40pm.. as i abt to enter
d house..this sis said..wah..u look pretty today..sey..blah..blah..blah..
then finish abt 4:20pm.. so me and my mum..ready to go home..
im d 1st one to go out..from d room...then this aunty..said.. are you available??
i juz keep quite.. (had enuf..) still hurting tho...

then my mum..said..she single..omg..!!

wah...in my mind..i said...ok..mum
start bidding..(sheesh..) angry liao..
burning like candle.. or flame.. siak..!!

hmm.. i oready said..then im ok...being single 4ever...!
and i will be.. (i think???) hahax...
see what will happen..to me..when the time comes...
w/ther i be single.. or..attch or.. who noes...
hahahha...
for now..., im rather be single....hehe...

wake up call..

itz oready 1am..
we oready..abt to sleep.., im switchin off..all d plug.. and everyting..
suddenly..someone..doorbell..well itz oready 1 in d morning..
so i tot..itz my sis..who stay..couple blocks..away.., as im abt to open the door..
i peak 1st.. to comfirm who was it..?? but itz not my sister..
its my brother friends.. (2 guys actually) i keep them waiting outside..(they keep doorbell all the way..) as i call my mum
to come out..,i was thinking.. who in da world..come over at late night rite.. don't they know..its late..??
well im bro ( tkde prob..carik prob.. lak..) haiz.. always..give the burden to my parentz..
tak pernah happy kan parentz.., this guys..is looking for him.. but me and my mum said..
he move out oready...we have to lie..to this guys..to save his ass!! im angry..why did my parentz
keep helping they son..that never brings happiness to them..?? hmm...
dunno what will happen..to this family.. ( or me... i juz cant take it anymore..) feels like running away forever..!

my poem..

Roses are red
Violet are blue...
(in my heart i never stop loving you)
You maybe gone
You mabe dissappear...
(but in my mind you are alwayz here)
My heart is beating..its beating for you
The only reason im still breathing..coz i keep thinking about you...
I'm not dead..not even alive
I am weak..coz i need you to survive....
Here i am all alone..wishing you to call my phone..
I hope..you can hear my prayers..coz..i need you to come back home..

I miss you so much... i love u deeply..


i write this poem on im own...(08/04/09) wednesday at 2:25am
when im missing that special someone....

bad memories...

songs..dat really brings bad memories..to me..

avril lavigne - (hot)
alicia keys - (no one)

everytime..i listen to this..songs.. it remind me of someone
dat i once care and love..now.. it juz brings pain and sadness...
to me....

boring giler...

tkde mood..for so long now.., ntah kenape tk tau..., like not worth living..anymore..,
i get angry for no reason... sad for no reason..,
i cry oso dunno..why... haiz...i hope..someone..could help me solve my problem..
i really need..someone..to help me release my stress....or burden...

addicted to handphones

i when to this plaza ard..wlds, i never plan anything..., i was juz walking ard, then i saw this handphones shop..so i take a look..la, look look see..see..hehe then this eye catchin phone..is so temptin siol...hehe.. without thinkin for d up comin days..w/ther i got money to spend or not.. i juz jump and grab it and d next thing i noe..i oready pay 4 it..haha.. mcm kena pukau lak...haha.. i have oready got 2 hp at home....dunno la.. im so addicted to handphones... omg... i need help.. major help...haha..

im happy now

i have oready release..my anger... to that someone... haha.. now..im happy..giler..
honestly u shud see..ur own face..when i said you shud write something in ur blog..
that i have oready return ur unwanted gift...haha.. (you think i dunno ur blog addy???) sucker!!! (expectedtheunexpected)

someone special

i have to admit.. that i like this guy in irc.., i give him my no. we sms...for so long
but u know.. guys in irc cannot be trusted...., to me he's kind..honest, funny and cute
what every gals dream of..(to me la..) he ask me out couple of tym..but i say no.. (coz parentz won't allow me to mit chatters..) after few tym i said no.. he stop..mgsin me.., im kinda down..
for d past few days..lonely..n miserable.., my parentz noe..abt this..guy.. (i told abt him ) but yet..still can't mit him..hmm.., what shud i do..sey??

burden???

am i a burden to my parentz...?

i fight with my sib.. and (my sib) say dat im a burden to my parentz...
sad part is dat..my mum kat blakang me..but my mum diam je..,i cried..infront of my mum..
i juz felt dat mayb i am..a burden..coz..if im not..she could say something rite?? im angry at my mum.., i juz feel like running away..
i help her alot..like major alot...but she didnt appreciate it.. hmm...mayb when im gone..
she realize..that she lost someone...she cares..
haiz...i juz hope so..